Practicing from a fear-free perspective
- Lucy Nesbitt
- May 25
- 9 min read
Over the last three years, I've been teaching signficantly more private students than ever before. Typically my studio is about 30 students per school year at this point, and with each and every one, I have been exploring what it is to teach from an empowerement and holistic perspective, rather than driving my educaiton from a stress and performance based perspective. When I was coming up through my music education, I was blessed to study with so many different teachers, all of whom offered a different approach. I noticed though that when I'd encournter a teacher with whom I felt scared or embarassed, it got me practicing more. The deep desire to avoid that shame skyrocketed me. Once I got to university, I was completely prepared to practice 3 or more hours a day on top of a full day of classes and rehearsals. It was effective, absolutely. I was dedicated, self-motivated and easy to teach for the most part. That having been said, I didn't necessarily "get good" at the horn until I actually stopped taking lessons during COVID. Since becoming my own teacher and integrating the education I received with my own interpretations, as well as mental health resources, I've seen my ability increase, and in fact I am working more in the music industry as a performing artist than I thought I ever could.
Part of the reason I stopped taking lessons and diverted from the music education path I was on was due to the fact that my physical and mental health were seriously deteriorating and ultimately I did end up in the hospital. I now believe this was due to underlying health conditions that are exacerbated by high levels of stress. Either way, in the moment of my illness peaking, I realized that my relationship with the horn was instigating this, and it needed to change. I needed to take a path that was founded in self-compassion and realistic expectations. I needed to stop fueling my success with shame avoidant motivation.
So of course, as I now teach almost full time, my question is: do children need fear and shame in order to motivate them to be successful?
As a counselling therapist, reading that, the obvious answer is NO. Shame and fear are like fast carbs. They get the job done...for a little while. You will ultimately crash out, but it sure is a quick and easy way to get some energy. Or, in the case of getting good at music, to get a kid to practice.
Yet as a musician, and a highly trained one, I personally bought into that mentality. I didn't have any evil mean teachers, no one was out to shame me, but I bought into this mentality of comparing myself to everyone else and deciding that if I did not do well at whatever the task was (jury, orchestra, auditon, etc), the people around me would be disgusted by me.
As an educator and counsellor, I am endeavour to be as warm and welcoming as possible. I know what it felt like to be around cold teachers, and what that did to me. I would shrink and honestly play quite badly as a result. Now, sitting in the teaching chair, I will always check on my students, ask about their week, about their music, what kind of music they're listening to, if they have any stories they'd like to share. I let them be themselves, and I try my very hardest to make sure they are well received and respected exactly as they are. I think it's working because I can't tell you the number of kids who'll come in and start right off with "D'you wanna hear a joke I wrote?" or "Guess what happened at school..."
And while it isn't music, I listen.
I think a musician should feel like they belong in their creative space.
I also think a child should know what it feels like to be valued. Or else, they'll grow up thinking that if they share their authenticity, they'll be wasting time and potentially decide what they think doesn't matter, when in reality (especially in a creative space!), this couldn't be further from the truth.
When people believe in themselves, they are more themselves. When people are more themselves, they are authentic. Authenticity brings diversity and joy to our cultural ecosystems. The more young artists are empowered to believe that their dreams are in fact not too big, the more likely they are to reach for them.
And while all that I do believe to be true...how on Earth am I supposed to get kids to practice??
When I was in piano lessons, I didn't practice much at all, especially in the years before the music got fun. My mom was the driving force behind all my practice, she single handedly got me to the piano for at least the first five to seven years of my time in lessons (which I did all through high school until university). While I was a fairly responsive kid, I definitely had my fair share of not wanting to practice meltdowns, but we got through it. It was similar with school homework.
Nowadays, I find that kids are in a hefty amount of extra curriculars, or even if they're not in that many, I'll hear a lot of "I'm so busy" and therefore they don't practice. Either that or they just don't want to. How do we encourage young people to see enough value in perserverence when it has nothing to do with failure? How do we encourage young people to take pride in hard work for no other reason than because it will enrich their lives? At the heart of this conversation is self-respect and the interplay between it and self-responsibility. People who value themselves and their ability to learn go far. When people fear failure, it often freezes them to stop trying.
So far, I don't have a definitive answer. Maybe I never will. What do know is that the following seem to have some sense to them, and I have seen students start to do better as a result. Keep in mind, when we're working from an empowerment framework, it will be different for everyone. There is no set in stone path when we're coming from a humanistic lens because every human is different. Adaptability is the key to all of this. No teacher or parent should expect the student to follow a specific route, because this child's path has never been walked before. Even if the music they're playing or the career they're pursuing has been, never expect it will look a certain way.
Ways to Encourage Practice
Routine and ritual. Creating a special, sacred time in which music takes place. Remember that practicing is going to look different for everyone. Getting the student to their instrument is the number one most important thing, so having a time setup in your household that is a routine will be key in the student embracing that in fact this is a part of their life, just like brushing their teeth. We must also make this time is so important it cannot be missed unless in case of emergency.
Structure and freeplay - a combination approach. Have a set of instructions for what must be practiced, but begin and end the practice session with free play. Improvisation, playing by ear, musical games, anything that helps the student build a relationship with the music making process from a point of joy and creativity. This paired with a set of structured tools to gain skill and ability will make sure the student is still learning and developping, while immediately allowing them to integrate their skills into something they love.
Goal setting and adherence. Not one without the other. In my studio we use practice checkboxes, however it is extremely important that at home, these checkboxes are adhered to. Additionally, if the child doesn't practice them, there must be a rule that happens each lesson as a consequence. For example, no sticker, less play time, no games, etc. The lesson must be learned that effort results in opportunity, and vice versa.
Modelling and integration of family. Regardless of a family's background in music, they must be involved. Music can be a part of the household, a welcome addition into family. Additionally, play with your child! Improvise together, play a duet, play some musical games, go to the symphony, or a jazz show, watch a movie and point out the cues in the soundtrack, etc. Music cannot just be something that happens in the lesson if we want students to actually remember it exists in their life. Not to mention, by exposing young people to more music and the arts, they are likely to find a passion or hobby that they care about - which their teacher can then extrapolate upon in their lessons.
Emotional relevance. Why does this matter to you? Why would you like to play this instrument? Why do you think music is important? Depending on the age of the student, this will have a variety of answers. Still, developping this kind of thinking from an early age matters. Not everything we do will be our passion, so how can we make it worth learning anyways? What can we take from this that will help us to thrive in life? Why is it useful to work hard? Ask these questions, and keep asking them. Re-evaluate them often. Maybe there's a new reason to practice every month. Find that reason, and let it guide the motivation.
Embrace the student's passions. It can be easy to want to see your student stick to the RCM curriculum, or whatever your go to is, but at the end of the day if we want these kids to practice music and keep music available to them forever, we must be able to be flexible. I had a 12 year old student who didn't practice at all, but it was clear he was talented based on performances I'd seem him do before he was my student. One day he came into his lesson and played the theme from Oppenheimer that he'd memorized and darn near perfected. We discovered there was a slew of music he loved, so we pivoted and that year he put together a solo recital. He practiced harder than I thought possible. Since then, I've tried a similar tactic on the low practicing students and seen three fairly tough cases turn right around. They're practicing, they're keen to come to lessons, and they're proud of themselves. Now, we have momentum for the songs they care about less.
Consistent challenges. Having something tricky to work on and problem solve is important, even if it makes practicing harder. This is one of the best life lessons in music - persistence pays off. We can literally hear it when it works. The same goes for playing in recitals. Young people seeing themselves as capable of accomplishing hard things will encourage them to continue believing that throughout the rest of their life.
Lastly, try not to assume you know why the student doesn't like to practice. It's very easy to write it off as laziness, to get angry and think "Well I used to have to practice X many hours" (believe me, I practiced A LOT.), to assume they're just 'kids these days'...I get it, I really do. And I get frustrated from time to time. Still, it is worthwhile asking them about it. Asking them why they don't. Why does it feel like you're too busy, what does that feel like? What would you need to be able to feel like you could do this? Getting enraged at a student for not practicing and shaming them or belittling them, or even comparing them to other students, might get you quick results (those fast carbs...), but ultimately what does the child learn from that? Do they learn how to be self-directed? How to establish good habits? How to learn about consequences of low efforts? Does it establish resilience in the face of challenge, or the self-trust needed to keep trying? I suppose it remains to be seen, but from what I can tell? No.
The last thing I will say is that I believe in encouraging people to be creative. I know that I could be harder on my students and place expectations upon them for what they should be able to accomplish, and not stray from the curriculum that I create. But at the end of the day, what is my role to these young people? Is it to make sure they play all the right notes and learn how to play scales? Or is my role bigger than that. To be a figure in their life who models that we can have fun and work hard, and that I can respect you so much that I want you to try harder and demonstrate to yourself that you are capable of greatness.
In the end, I want to be a figure in their life who values them so much that the only option they have is to value themselves, and I hope that when the bar is that high, they will rise to the occasion. That they will choose to try, even if it's scary.
Lucy Garbett
Brass, Piano and Early Childhood Music Education at the Visionary Centre for the Performing Arts.
Upper Brass Teaching Artist at YONA-Sistema
Counselling Therapist and Registered Therapeutic Counsellor at Resonant Energy Therapy
Casual Musician at the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra
Freelance Performing Artist
@resonantenergytherapy
@musicianmindfulness
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